Lucy Mangan’s springtime submissions: ‘babywearing’, ‘hormy’ and ‘studdle’

Welcome to the primaveral blog post! Blog post and welcome supplied by me, ‘primaveral’ – meaning ‘occurring or pertaining to early spring’ – supplied by Daved_Wachman, though I’m sure he would welcome you also if he were here.

Sticking with the theme of new life and regeneration, tikitaka gives us ‘babywearing’, which is the practice of porting your infant in a pouch, sling or agglomeration of padded straps, buckles and slightly larger padded bits which may or may not be where the baby’s or possibly your own bum is supposed to go, before giving up, deciding that it’s actually the last word in parental douchbaggery anyway and flinging them into a pram (which despite being called a ‘full-suspension travel system’ remains, at its heart, a pram) instead, as God intended. ‘Pram’ of course is a contraction of ‘perambulator’. SOMEONE back in the day had the good sense to realise that you might just about expect a new mother to be able to perambulate on ten minutes’ sleep a night (although she’s unlikely to know where she’s going) but you can’t expect her to be able to pronounce it or any of its increasingly brutal derivatives.

Also of use in this context may be KRDC’s contribution, ‘hormy’ – emotionally hormonal. This is an excellent way of describing the first few insane months of motherhood. You have ALL the hormones. You have ALL the emotions. But they don’t fit together in any way you recognise from the Before Time. And you are definitely not horny. ‘Hormy’ looks and sounds bonkers. It’s perfect.

Moving a little further on in child development, tikitaka also gives us ‘dyno’, which is apparently what all da kidz are using these days to denote that which is ‘dynamite’, aka ‘brilliant’, ‘fantastic’, ‘cool’, ‘wicked’, ‘toppermost of the poppermost’ or ‘simply ripping’. Please select according to taste, age and proximity to Enid Blyton.

At the other end of the scale, RobertG gives us ‘granlord’ – a retired person who cashes in his or her pension and buys with it property to let. I look forward to the advent of ‘boomurder’; the murder of baby boomers by those unable to buy homes and who might as well be in prison getting three squares a day for all the hope a life saddled by university debt at one end and no pension at the other holds out for them. Just kidding, kids! Don’t murder your parents/grandparents. I’m sure everything is going to be just, like, totally dyno in the end.

Let’s finish on a happier note, with Elaine’s contribution – ‘studdle’, meaning to study while cuddling. It sounds highly inefficient, Elaine, but I admire an attitude to life that privileges endorphins above passing grades. More power to you and your studdling companion. See you in two weeks’ time, if you can tear yourselves away.