Watch out, Lucy Mangan’s about! Read her take on the first batch of submitted words of the New Year!

As the new year wears on, we will probably have less need of it but while the scent of resolution and self-denial still hangs dispiritingly in the air, you might be in need of dingcap’s submission to our first batch of new dictionary entrants for 2014, “brunner” – the meal eaten by those who are down to just one a day, taking the place and/or combining elements of breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s as ugly, miserable and downbeat-sounding word as the concept it represents and as I prize consistency above all things – including joy, frivolity, delight and Tunnock’s Tea Cakes – I do not hesitate to salute it here.

No – wait. There IS one thing I prize above consistency, I realise. It is words for “bum”. Step forward, MiniNinja, and accept my sincerest thanks therefore for “bahookie” – Scottish (probably a blend of “behind” and “hock”, or “hough” as those voiceless-velar-fricative-loving Caledonians have it) for “backside”. As in “My bahookie’s the size of a house. I’m going to have to cut down on brunner.”

I don’t care what the official verdict on MissHenna_B’s “cyber hoarding” is – it is going straight into my personal lexicon, filed under “For immediate and extensive usage”, cross-referenced with “Hurrah!” and “At last!” It refers to the practice of keeping huge numbers of Word and picture files on your computer even though you know you have never looked and will never look at them.

What are you doing now? Nodding with me in wry recognition? Looking baffled, because you were born to survivalist parents in a bunker in Montana and have never seen the sky, let alone a computer (in which case, well done on accessing this blog, by the way)? Or punching the air with delight and crowing loudly that you and you alone amongst humanity know how to deploy the delete function and do so with terrifying regularity? You are? You do? Well, congratulations, but what a terribly “lumpatious” person you are. Thank you, ark.qy.lu, for bringing this useful neologism to our attention – it means someone infuriatingly full of him- or herself, who particularly enjoys hurting other people’s feelings. Yes, CONGRATULATIONS INDEED.

RichardGrantsubmitted “infomation” – an animated infographic. This is obviously useful, logical and pleasingly neat in many ways, but the scope for confusion with “information”, the years lost to undoing autocorrections and repeating yourself over fuzzy phone lines is making my ears bleed. We may have to go back to the drawing board with this one and prepare to sacrifice a little logic and neatness to the greater need for us all not to be driven insane.

And finally “contemptorary”, contributed by vivauganda and described as “someone you went to school with and who lacks moral spine and always did.” Vivauganda, are you all right? If you ever need to talk, remember, we’re always here. Not necessarily sympathetic, supportive or helpful in any way, but here.